Resolution

First off, let me tell you all I'm a little drunk. I'm going to have one bitching hangover, and I honestly don't care because right now this wine is so good. Don't worry, I'll proofread this once the hangover's gone, make it my usual grammatically correct style. Future me, this is a promise I'm making myself, don't break it. Edit for spelling and grammar, not content.

Now then, onto the good stuff. I'm drinking more than I have in a long time for one very important reason: I miss MrStumblr. A lot. And Guardian makes me miss him more. The two are very much alike. They harbor a lot of anger, but they're nice guys. Of course, once I started drinking, I got sad I was getting so drunk that I started drinking more. (Editor's note: Yeah, I get stupid when I'm drunk. And chatty. I hate Drunk!Me)

Now, Guardian's been silent for quite a while. I haven't heard from him since I left Hope, which scares me. And what scares me more is the fact that I'm scared I haven't heard from him! He's done nothing at all to earn my trust or loyalty, but for some reason, he has both. I don't know why, but whenever I hear from him, it's like, everything else melts away and all I have is honesty and blind faith. It'll probably get me killed one day, but for now I'm safe.

Next, the key. I still don't know how it works, but I tried it again. I don't have to go through the door, I can close it and remove the key and the door is normal again. Which is good because this time I heard screaming. It sounded like children. Not young kids, but not old either. Or maybe of every age, I don't know anymore. But it terrifies me, I can't get it out of my head and there was nothing I could do to help. I think there's something in that world, so I really don't want to go back.

Well crap, the wine's gone. Moving onto the brandy. Yeah, this is much better.

I think I'm going mad. But can an insane person know they're insane? If someone thinks they're insane, does that make them sane? My thoughts bounce around so much these days. I don't know what to do, but I need to do something. So I'm going to start reading everything. I want to start with the modern stuff. People are blogging and recording him even now. They've done so much digging already, I want to compile their theories and find one that works.

But maybe that's a bad idea. The more you know about him, the more he stalks you, isn't that right? But I'm on the third floor, I should be safe, right? I think I should stop forcing all of my problems on you and just get to work. I don't feel right asking you all to confirm my every step, I'm a grown woman, I should be able to do things for myself.

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Argh, that was about twelve hours ago. My hangover isn't gone, but it's better. Asprin and lots of water are helping. I think that's what I was intending to say. I kept my promise to myself, nothing was cut from that post, but I almost feel like I'm too emotional to post it all. I don't know, maybe I'll feel better with some feedback.

Update

Just checking in with everyone here. I don't really know what's been going on, my sense of time is all kinds of screwed up right now. Apparently I missed a day or two, and it just doesn't feel right.

I still haven't heard from Guardian, which irritates me more than it should. I don't have very much faith in him right now though. Of course, I shouldn't have much faith in him to begin with, but that's something else entirely.

Somehow, everything of mine is here. My car, my clothes, the cat. I don't know if he had something to do with this or if that's how the key works.

My head hurts, and I finally ate the last of my soup for lunch. I think I'm going out for a bit. I really need to find some sort of ward, I'm paranoid something's going to happen if I'm not careful.

Filler For Lost Time

Guardian, what the hell did you do this time? Yes you got me out of hope unscathed, but at what cost? How did you fuck with time like that? I need answers and you won't charm your way out of this one.

You need to explain things from now on, I will not be blindly trusting you as I have. First, the key. What does it do? Did I actually see Him on that path? What else is there? How did my things get home from Hope?

You know what? I have other points to make, but I want to know the full story first.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to make some hot chocolate and not sleep. I can't get things out of my head and it's starting to hurt.

More Messages

Solid biological waste has impacted the rotational air circulation device. Elaine apparently has some deal to keep the Slenderman off of Hope's doorstep. I don't really know what it is, but it scares me. And I still don't know what to think of my conversation with Guardian. To elaborate on that a bit more, once I got over the fact he wasn't going to change what I wanted him to (which basically boiled down to "stop being so freaking cryptic!") he asked me how I was and if I was enjoying my stay at hope.

He was nice, he just wanted to be sure I was happy and healthy. I'm not used to that anymore, so I'll have to admit I was flattered. But that's the past, this is the present. I don't really know what's going on, but this time it sounded urgent.

I got a text from Guardian. "Use the key before it's too late." He hasn't steered me wrong thus far (save for the calling widget, which has apparently been helpful to a few people), so I'm going to go with my gut and follow his directions. A second text came in right after the first "Use it on the outside of your bedroom door. Now."

Now I know why he said that, but first I need to tell you exactly what happened. My day had been boring. I made breakfast, checked the usual social networks (with location services disabled, of course). Lunch went by, and supper, with nothing spectacular. I took a shower and started getting ready for bed, that's when the first text came in. I got dressed and started packing when the second one came. So I dropped the shirts I was folding, and ran out of the door, closed it, and used the key.

The door pulled itself open, but my room wasn't behind it. Third message: "Run." So I bolted, the door slamming shut behind me. It was a forrest path, but something was wrong. There was no sun, but there was light, there were no leaves on the trees, no breeze, but they swayed. I heard noises, terrifying sounds that I can't get out of my head. I looked back only once, it was the Slender Man behind me. I don't know if it was really him or just a Fig Newton in my imagination (my dad always used to say that to me) caused by the strange world. I'm betting on Fig Newton.

But after what seemed like forever, I was at the opposite side of the path. There was another door, crimson. I swear it was painted in blood, so I didn't stop to see what was around to drain that much from a person. I went through, and it was my room, back in Minneapolis. My belongings and the cat were all in their places at home. Squinkey didn't seem to notice anything wrong and when I opened the door, it was my hallway, not the path that stared back at me.

I don't know what's going on here, but I'm scared. More scared than I have been so far on this whole journey. For all I know, I could have died on that path, but I didn't.

Elaine, and everyone else back at Hope, the Guardian has never sent me down the wrong path before, but I hope he was misinformed for your sake. Stay safe, guys.

In which my judgement lapses

I just now realized what time it is. Good grief it's late, quarter past one in the morning and I'm yawning. But there's the old nag to blog in my head and hands, so here I sit. I did something stupid. Well, it was probably stupid. Lines have begun to blur and I'm not so sure anymore.

I've been talking to Guardian. I sent him a message around 10 this evening, I wanted to call him out on a few things like that Google voice call widget he's got up. But we ended up talking. I don't even know how it happened. But he doesn't seem like that bad of a person. I'm still not sure what to think, but he's actually a nice guy. I just don't agree with everything he does.

But he was kind, and after our conversation grew more casual, I felt more like myself. I was chatty and he's kinda funny, in an awkward sort of way. But it scares me.

I haven't felt this way since MrStumblr. I don't really know what that says about me, but I need sleep. If anyone feels like they've got some advice, I could really use it now.

Getting Out

No, I'm not leaving hope. I'm getting some air. I've been cooped up in here, staring at books or my laptop for far too long. I'll be back later tonight though. If anyone wants me to pick something up for them while I'm out, leave a comment, I'll be glad to help out. I don't really have a destination in mind. Well, I do, but I don't want to put it up here.

Oh, and if Squinkey starts meowing for attention, would someone please check on her? She should be fine though.

Guardian

Seriously buddy? Now you're just pissing me off. For those of you who care, Guardian put a call widget from Google Voice up on my blog. I think he's hinting at something. I've got that damn phone, if he wants to get in touch, he can call me.

In other news, I've been laying low, sticking mostly to my bedroom and a few common areas like the kitchen. I know it's not exactly safe to leave, but I almost want to see a movie or something. There's a decent theater not too far from here, but I don't know.

Hope

I'm gone from Minnesota. He showed up at work again the day after my last post. I called in my resignation and sent an email after that, just so my boss would have a more formal way of communication. It's been hairy, but my apartment is high up enough that I was safe. I packed up a few things and got the car loaded up.

The trip was boring, as I expected, and I arrived late this afternoon. It's been nice. And I was able to bring the cat with me, she's surprisingly good on car rides. I'll keep her in my room for now, I don't want her wandering around and getting lost.

Elaine is a wonderful host, she opened her doors and it was great to finally meet the woman MrStumblr idolized. Well, perhaps not idolized, but he definitely cared about her opinion. I don't know how that happened, it just sorta did.

Anyway, Squinkey looks like she wants to sleep, so I'm going to do the same. She already claimed the bed, so it looks like I get her leftovers.